I accidentally had phone sex last night
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize