Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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