Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
