sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize