My sheets look like a crime scene.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
