Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
