I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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