ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
