I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
