Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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