I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
