Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
