Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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