8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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