Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
