Jerry, you need to find god
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
