I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
