I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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