Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
