You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
