I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
