Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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