I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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