Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
