Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
