I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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