I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
