I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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