i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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