hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
