i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
