Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
third nipple confirmed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
