After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So apparently I’m into choking now
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