just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
