Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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