You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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