What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize