He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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