my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm like, not good at living.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
