Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
