let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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