I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I forgot wine drunk hurts
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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