UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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