dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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