There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
