you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
