I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.