He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.