I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus