Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes