Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?