So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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