So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
