No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The adults are the big ones right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
