Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
