Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
