My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
