I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
