Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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