we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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