...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.