Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?