I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
