Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.