I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.