i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE