in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost