I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
